The Costume Underneath

For two weeks we have been pulling costumes off resistance. First inflexibility. Then attachment to process and outcome. Both pointed at the same address.

The address has a name: control.

Control is not a personality trait. It is not a quirk of conscientious people. It is resistance running the operation from inside the building, and once we can see it, we cannot unsee it.

Control Is the Pre-Story

Before resistance shows up as friction we can feel, it has already done its work. It has decided that reality needs handling, specifically by us. It has decided that, without our intervention, something will go wrong.

That decision is the pre-story. It sounds reasonable. Responsible, even.

These are not observations. They are positions. And every position is a 'no' wearing a uniform.

Enter Micromanaging

Micromanaging is what control looks like when it gets a calendar and a Slack account.

We hover. We re-check work that was already correct. We schedule the meeting about the meeting. We ask for the update on the update. We rewrite the email someone else already wrote. We make sure, again, that the thing we already made sure of is still the way we left it.

None of this moves the work forward.

All of it relieves the discomfort of not running the show.

That is the trade. Productivity for relief. We pay in clarity, energy, and the trust of people around us, and we tell ourselves it is diligence.

Meet Zach

Zach is a mid-level manager at a manufacturing company. He was promoted at 32 for his work ethic, his grasp of the department, his enthusiasm for the company's direction. Six years later, still in the same role.

He works long hours. He never turns down work. His desk is stacked with items from his staff that he has to rework, because somehow, despite his detailed instructions, they keep missing what matters.

His staff like him. They also leave. His department has the second-highest turnover in the company.

Zach is not lazy. He is not cruel. He sincerely wants to do a good job for the company. He is also starting to wonder why the promotions stopped.

He has not noticed that the rework is the resistance. The detailed instructions are the resistance. The piled desk is the resistance. Every move he makes to ensure things go right is a 'no' to the possibility that they could go right without him.

That is what control looks like when it gets a management title. We just call it a strong work ethic.

What the Body Is Doing While We Hover

Watch what happens when the need to control kicks in. The jaw tightens. The breath gets shallow. The shoulders climb. Reality has done something we did not approve of, and we are about to spend the next hour trying to walk it back.

The micromanaging is downstream of that flinch.

This is why "just delegate more" does not work. The flinch has not been touched. The story underneath the flinch (that things will go wrong without us) is still running in the background. Pushing through it with willpower is just control aimed at ourselves.

Acceptance Stops the Cover-Up

We do not loosen control by trying to loosen it. We loosen control by naming what is actually, factually, objectively happening.

None of those statements fixes anything. They expose the cover-up.

And once the cover-up is exposed, the flinch loses its hiding place. The micromanaging shows us the resistance that was causing us to press on the brake.

That is the mechanism. Not a hack. Not a habit swap. The reality of what Acceptance does to a story that depends on not being looked at.

Three Weeks, One Address

Inflexibility. Attachment. Control. Three costumes, same wearer.

We are not in control. The world will not always cooperate with our preferred process. Other people will do the work differently than we would have done it. Outcomes will diverge from the plan. None of this is a problem to be managed. It is a fact to be met. And accepted.

Met cleanly, we keep our energy. We keep our openness and balance. We keep our momentum.

Fought, we lose all three.

Loosening the grip,

Alessandra

P.S. This is a really embarrassing confession for me, but last week I became aware that my website was all hosed up for formatting, which made accessing the info on it difficult. It is now fixed and able to be accessed conveniently by all devices. So, if you haven't yet, do visit www.workwithoutworking.co to read more about what resistance is in Directive 1 of the book Work Without Working, completely free and unabridged.